There is a very large and scary bowel movement in the backseat of my car. I’m sure it’s not from an Asian man because, although it is reasonably firm, it clearly does not come from someone who’s diet consists of so much rice. Based on it’s girth I am assuming it comes from a heavyset man. And I think I know who… But I can’t prove it. Is there a lab I can send it to to have it tested for what kinds of foods are present? Or even, God willing, find some DNA? If I can just prove it was this man (Who I am pretty sure it was) then I know who to return it to. Any advice?

Colors: Yes you can have it tested in a lab: what it contains and traces of DNA. But that will only help you if you know the guys DNA.